he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
