we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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