I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i love accidental penises.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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