Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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