That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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