that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
