Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
