I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
