Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
