Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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