Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
