I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
