nut hugger
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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