we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
