I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
