Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
