If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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