JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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