I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We are two peas in an std pod
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
