DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
