I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
