I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
