Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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