she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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