after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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