Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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