Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
