I cannot find my penis.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
