okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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