I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
