Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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