I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
