You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
