Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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