When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
