Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
