I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
then he tried to convert me to islam
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
