Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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