I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She bit a glass in half.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
