The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
