Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My vagina just recognized that song.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
