My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
