so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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