Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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