The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Everyone says I win the strip club
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
