In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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