I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
