9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
