I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
