he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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