Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
